im cryin my eyes swollen..cryin till my eyes hurt...
i duno how to stop the pain in my heart..
laz nite my mum told me my 二叔 is hospitalized..
& dat he had cancer..late stage...
my dad n him aren't exactly on the gd terms..
so i haven't seen him for yrs...
but he alwaz had a place in my heart..he's like a daddy to me..
he doted me alot when i was young..
i rem receiving calls frm him..& sumtimes he drops by to visit..
i'll alwaz get double amt of $ compared to my bros..
he controlled his temper against my dad for me..
he gets me computer when i mentioned the need for it...
i oso rem he asked me to move & stay wif his family..
he wanted me to haf a better living under his care...
i took half day leave to visit him today..
he was in the operating theatre when i reached wif my mum..
my 三叔 told my mum dat 二叔 haf 6 mths left..
i hope its an inaccurate piece of msg..or dat the doc is wrong..
i told myself not to cry in front of my 二叔..
but i juz cldnt control myself..the lost weight..
the big tube connectin to his throat..the blood traces frm the op..
it really pains my heart...& further pain to see the words "very pain"..
we were communicatin by writin throughout the visit..
my parents, 三叔 & 阿姨 were curious abt our 'conversation'..
& he actually cried when he saw me..
i duno how to describe my feelings..
seein him in tears juz put me into more tears..
my mum had to calm me dwn...
我的心真的很痛..i duno wat to do..
i told him i was sorry i didnt visit him for so long..
i oso told him dat he's like a father to me..
meant them frm my heart..nt becos he's ill now..
i duno how to continue dis entry..i took abt 4 hrs to type till here..
dere's juz so much stuff goin on in my mind..yet it seems empty..
y m i having exams..? i totally stopped my preparation..
i can't focus..i keep tinkin abt him @ the hospital..
i feel like giving up on dis sem's exams..
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